Today has been an overwhelming day for me. I had an appointment this morning with my MS clinic’s physio to discuss e-stim or Neuro Electrical Muscle Stimulation (NEMS) and the possibility of joining a clinical trial for this. The physical therapist said that there is no clinical trial. Either I misunderstood or the nurse did. All they’ll approve is two visits, at least enough to be introduced to the machinery and show me where I need to place the electrode pads to make sure that I am working the correct muscles for my damage. I am disgusted and frustrated. I realize the PT has her hands tied. Its more the way the system is. She told me of a NEMS device that I can get from Cosco for $149.00 CAD. I left her office with these words echoing in my head, that, “Alberta Care won’t cover this.” She then suggested that I ask Easter Seals or The MS Society for help, but then stated, “Although I’m almost positive that they wouldn’t cover this either.” Later in the day I left a voicemail with my disability worker in hopes that there’s a chance they’ll cover it. I called a rehab that accepts Alberta Care and AISH and the woman I spoke with there assured me that they could get up to 14 visits covered for me, five up front with AISH and the rest requested. I am waiting to hear back from my worker about all of this. The woman I spoke with at the rehab didn’t say that coverage for the EMS device was impossible. It was actually nice to talk to her after listening to the PT at the MS Optimus program this morning speak this way, “They won’t cover it, I doubt it, We only, You’ll need to pay…….”, very disheartening.
I need to mentally regroup and not let this get me down. It just means that I have that much more work to do, not that its impossible. I and many others I know have the disadvantages of no at home support, I do not have a doctor’s salary, I don’t have the ease of driving wherever I need to go when I need to get there, e-stim was not the major deal for Dr. Wahls as it is for me, being a doctor herself. I’m not whining, I’m just stating facts. What Dr. Wahls did do was research and practice all this herself without support (I imagine, given most medical providers attitudes with this) from her colleagues. She used the NEMS machine an hour everyday for three years and fixed her own leg. That’s discipline. I do admire her, very much. She shows me that anything is possible if I stick with it. So, I have challenges, she managed all of this working full time with two young children to raise in worse physical shape then me. Yes, she did have a partner at home and money and she drives (that always gets me jealous). Here’s what I have going for me, I am described as tenacious by most who know me, one described me as, “She doesn’t let moss grow under her feet.” I have remade myself several times in my lifetime, with the help of a Higher Power and a whole lot of people, from seemingly impossible situations. I have a Higher Power I turn to and it does make a huge difference, because times like these, I hear, God is bigger than the government, the opinions of medical people, my MS, if its meant to be, it will be, no matter what. I believe that and have had it proven to me over and over again throughout my life. I already have a deeply ingrained love of exercise (don’t have to fight there), I have supportive friends and family, I am not completely alone. I am already in the habit of thinking positive and utilizing meditation daily and I am willing to go to any lengths.
I read about a woman who healed her terminal cancer with imagery. She imagined that the good cells were Patriot missiles (this was in the early 90’s) and the cancer cells were Scud missiles. She imagined the Patriot missiles blowing up the Scud missiles. She healed herself. I really do believe that the power of positive thought, imagery and constructive thinking can be that powerful. Just as the opposite can cause illness and calamity. So here’s my imagery:
I feel and see this healthy food at work within my system. I feel and see healthy bacteria and cells replacing bad bacteria and repairing broken cells. I feel and see synapses in my brain reconnecting in ways that strengthen me. I feel and see lesions repairing and diminishing. I feel and see my left leg becoming strong as I put one foot in front of the other and know that in this universe, I am supported.